Sunday, November 4

Emoticons Make Things Better

I thought the rationale behind my blog title was obvious.  I really did.  Instead, I will have to spell it out for you.  Emoticon are awesome, time saving,  feeling explainers that are really super important for the advanced writer, just like grammar and spelling. 

Sometimes, words can't explain the way you feel and it is hard to express yourself.  Fortunately, I included 16 emoticons that I have found most useful when communicating with society as a professional writer/communicator. 

;-)    =  "I can make any situation less awkward.  See. 'You are fired. Take care! ;-)'"

B-)   = "I wear sunglasses inside, at night, in dimly lit establishments, to make it clear that I am a douchebag.  Really, I'm doing you a favor, so stop HATIN."

:(&)   = "I eat with my mouth open, NOM NOM NOM. Cheesy Puffs!"

|:-(     = "I am not happy with my unibrow."

>.<    = "I can't stop eating warheads even though my gums have shriveled up and I think I contracted acid-tongue-disease.  I need MORE WARHEADS!  Warheads taste like puke! Yay!"

O=;)  = "I am Benjamin Rotstein.  I am super successful top chef.  I make a mean double whopper.  Come visit me at the 24 hour drive-through window.  I will be wearing my paper hat."

!,!      = "Hi.  I am a Bunny!  No, I'm not a rabbit.  I am a bunny, bunny, BUNNY, I SAID BUNNY!"

( . ) ( . )     =  "I have big boobs."

( . Y . )     = "I have even bigger boobs.  I win!"

 ( Y )        = "I have no clue what you are Twitter.  You make me seem like an unproductive member of cyber-net-society and that makes me mad.  I meant to look you up for so long, see what the brouhaha is all about, but I have better things to do like draw in my blogs and make spaghetti and debate whether or not to shower today.  You make no sense to me, so take a look at that.  Butt!"

8==D     =  "I am Penisface!" or "Just want to be clear, my penis is this big, I hope this is not a deal breaker, tata."

._^    = "My only hit was Sloth.  You know, the Goonies? Uch.."

J:-|    = "I am not amused with this haircut that resembles a flock of seagulls flying out my head.  So STOP LAUGHING like an asshole."

~;-)   = "Harry Potter here.  Cheerio. Colour Favourite Flavour OU OU OU."

:-Q   = "Drool."

8@)  = "Oink oink, I am a pig." or "I am sticking my dirty face up against your expensive car window."

:( | )   = "Monkeyface!"

[December 2, 2010]