I had another blog and my boyfriend asked me why I had six followers.
Me: Well, that's easy. One is my brother and one is me. I know, I know, I am only subscribed to one blog, which is mine, and that is kind of dorky. The other four followers are people who want to stay up to date with my indescribable awesomeness. I am informative you know.
Boyfriend: No, you misunderstood. I meant to say, why do you have ONLY six followers.
Me: What do you mean? I thought that was a lot?
Boyfriend: (Snicker snicker) No buddy, it's not. It probably means you should take a hint. You spend all your time writing, actually, blabbering and whining on about your wretched life and it's not amusing. If it was, you would have more followers. Your brother follows your blog because he is terrified of you.
Me: But there are four others! That's officially a club. I'm going to be famous!
Boyfriend: You should probably focus on going back to law school...
Me: I think you're jealous. You're reviewing engineering diagrams in search of some mystical form of alternative energy to prevent the next apocalypse, but I'm the one helping people. You have no followers, jerk.
Boyfriend: I don't have a blog and you're acting immature.
Me: Jerk. I am a blogging professional, you're the amateur.
Boyfriend: I said IMMATURE, and I don't think threatening readers to follow your blog is particularly mature.
Me: (Sniffle sniffle) MAKE ME A SANDWICH!
Boyfriend: You are such a Gremlin.
Folks, I thought six followers was tantamount to accomplishment. Five, not including myself. I expected a book-op. I expected to never go back to work in a suit and planned to lounge around in my panties all day keeping you up to date with important information about my news-worthy feelings.
p.s. I'm sorry for threatening you to follow my blog, it seemed like the right choice at the time.
p.p.s Threats are obviously useless because I still have zero followers and it's been two hours since I started this blog.
p.p.p.s. Maybe I needed a scarier threat, even better, blackmail or bribe. Hmm..
Anyhow, I decided to start a new blog. That other blog just wasn't working out for me. This blog will most certainly contain posts scary similar to those found in blogs that are already super popular and famous. I won't disclose where I got my ideas from unless the specific information I post really is plagiarized. It seems like the right thing to do. Anyhow, welcome!Tweet